If I keep still and don't flail around too much, I can keep my head from going under. As soon as I get restless and begin to fidget, I loose my footing. Then it's time to calm down and regain my composure once more. You'd think I would have figured this pattern out by now and some how outsmarted my emotional brain. Not really. I can't help resisting the feeling of being trapped in the quicksand. I don't want to be trapped anymore. I want to move and be free. Being still and avoiding that fear of sinking... that's slowly killing me.
I have found some small bits of respite in my pit, however. There are these small fragments of my existence, when I get the nerve to really fight. Before I can talk myself out of it, I attempt to thrash and claw my way out. The feeling of movement is so empowering. I'm moving muscles I had forgotten I had. This emotional exercise feels so awesome... but it doesn't last long. Soon I realize that I'm still in the quicksand, fighting and sinking further still. I quiet my limbs and bring my emotional workout to a stop.
When I stop and asses my situation, I realize that part of the reason that I'm sinking into the quicksand is because I'm carrying a lot of baggage that's weighing me down. I need to let it go. It's only hurting my cause at this point and really, it's too heavy to carry around anyway. I can do away with it. I really don't need it. When I get where I'm going, there will be plenty of resources for me there. I can live off of my own wisdom until then.
Once the baggage is gone, I feel myself become a little more buoyant. Keeping my head above the quicksand isn't as hard, yet there's still the problem of getting out. How can I do it by myself? Wouldn't it just be easier if I had a buddy that could lend a hand? Someone who could just swoop in and rescue me. A knight in shinning armor, perhaps? Maybe a crafty hiker out on his own quest? Of course. All of those people sound wonderful, but I'm alone in this and it's part of my journey to remedy this problem by myself.
Escaping from quicksand takes time. It isn't something I can do hastily. Finding my balance is necessary and that's achieved by carefully assessing my situation, calming myself and making slow, but deliberate movements that support escape. Whenever I feel myself sinking, I know I have to slow down, take a deep breath and start again. Shit is going to happen and I'm going to feel as though I'll never break free. If I let the negative thoughts take over, I'm doomed for sure. All I have to do is keep my composure, use my resources and take it slow. If I remember to take a break once in a while and recharge my batteries, I'll have more energy to keep fighting.
I'm determined to escape and when I do, I know there is a life of abundance waiting for me.
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