Thursday, October 23, 2014

Oil Change

Today I find myself with time. Time to handle a few errands, (like a free *overdue* oilchange) and time within an errand, to just be still. Instead of sitting in the hard waiting room at the car dealership - with the big screen tv, uncomfortable chairs and all around "bustle" of business on a weekday - I opted to take a walk in the area where the dealership was, in search of a park I thought I remembered being near by.

After cutting through a few parking lots, I found a road and a sign for a park, so I followed it. A little ways down there was a brick building and a nice open space, along a moderate woods. There was a parking lot of sorts and one car parked there. The driver's seat was tilted all the way back, so I suspected someone was napping on their lunch break.

I found a spot in the grass and leaves, under a tree that I didn't know the name of and here I am in this beautiful space... writing.

The trees here could quite possibly be about to hit their peak, in terms of fall color. The space is quite beautiful. There's a mix of bare trees, peppering the green, gold and orange tufts. The sky is blue and white and grey... clouds holding back the sun, like a tattered old shade.

The light, crispy wind makes me think how I wish I had grabbed my vest today, even though I hate how it messes up the back of my hair. It's warmth would've been handy right about now.

The light humming of a leaf blower is the loudest background noise I hear. The sound of the traffic is distant and I can actually hear the leaves rustling in the trees and along the ground. A few birds are scattered about, but right now there is a stillness... and I should really be meditating, but I'm half paranoid about being alone in a strange park and closing my eyes and shit. So I chose to meditate through my words.

I sit here in stillness, inviting my senses to be awakened to everything.



Tuesday, January 7, 2014

An excerpt from the Moleskine

Today I realized (though I think I've always known) that the losses I've experienced have given me a certain confidence; the confidence to say how I feel and go for what I want. I've earned the desire to not waste any precious moments on this earth, feeling inadequate or insecure. How much time do I have left? I don't know, but I'm sure it won't feel like enough. I, very simply, want to live to my fullest potential, love with my whole heart, see new places and experience a variety of things. I want to embrace change and see it as an opportunity to evolve. I no longer want to be stuck. I want to live while I'm alive.

I am unapologetic for this and for the possibility that it might scare you.